Emily

It's been five years since Patricia and I held Emily in our arms and sang to her as she passed from mortality into paradise.

I don't mourn losing Emily, because we didn't lose her.

I mourn that she suffered.

I used to mourn that my children experienced such a heart-breaking event.   Looking back, though, I don't mourn that any more.  But I mourn it again for other children any time they lose a sibling, or a parent.

I mourn that I do not remember as much as I want to about Emily.  Up until about age 35 or so, I considered my memory on of my strengths.  For the last  5-8 years, however,  my memory has been simply terrible.  I cannot remember things and/or experiences from week to week or month to month. Somethings I remember very well; but there are many times I simply have to trust Patricia, or a co-worker, etc. that what they are saying did, in fact, happen.  I do not know what sets apart the experiences I remember from those that I don't remember well.  Take Emily, for example.  I struggle to remember many specific moments from her life, but I remember things in general.  Knowing that my memory was poor, I did write down some memories just after she died; but unfortunately, I can't recall a whole lot from the bullet points that I wrote down.  It's not just with Emily, though; I cannot remember many specific experiences with any of my children.  I should learn from this that I need to write more frequently.

I don't think Emily is waiting to see us again.  I tend to believe in a wrinkle in time.

But, we are waiting to see her again.

Lord Jesus, Come!





  

Back on the wagon

I had been good since February.  Avoided it like the plague almost.
And I recognized the benefits and knew that I was enjoying a happier, peacefull-er life without it.
Then, without thinking too much about it, I fell off the wagon.
Sometime last week.
And one sip wasn't enough; I began to take bigger sips, maybe even a gulp or two.
So, before I completely succomb to it's snare once again, I come to my blog to publicly (technically it's public--nevermind that I have maybe three readers) commit to sobriety once again.

Darn politics.