Emily

It's been five years since Patricia and I held Emily in our arms and sang to her as she passed from mortality into paradise.

I don't mourn losing Emily, because we didn't lose her.

I mourn that she suffered.

I used to mourn that my children experienced such a heart-breaking event.   Looking back, though, I don't mourn that any more.  But I mourn it again for other children any time they lose a sibling, or a parent.

I mourn that I do not remember as much as I want to about Emily.  Up until about age 35 or so, I considered my memory on of my strengths.  For the last  5-8 years, however,  my memory has been simply terrible.  I cannot remember things and/or experiences from week to week or month to month. Somethings I remember very well; but there are many times I simply have to trust Patricia, or a co-worker, etc. that what they are saying did, in fact, happen.  I do not know what sets apart the experiences I remember from those that I don't remember well.  Take Emily, for example.  I struggle to remember many specific moments from her life, but I remember things in general.  Knowing that my memory was poor, I did write down some memories just after she died; but unfortunately, I can't recall a whole lot from the bullet points that I wrote down.  It's not just with Emily, though; I cannot remember many specific experiences with any of my children.  I should learn from this that I need to write more frequently.

I don't think Emily is waiting to see us again.  I tend to believe in a wrinkle in time.

But, we are waiting to see her again.

Lord Jesus, Come!





  

Back on the wagon

I had been good since February.  Avoided it like the plague almost.
And I recognized the benefits and knew that I was enjoying a happier, peacefull-er life without it.
Then, without thinking too much about it, I fell off the wagon.
Sometime last week.
And one sip wasn't enough; I began to take bigger sips, maybe even a gulp or two.
So, before I completely succomb to it's snare once again, I come to my blog to publicly (technically it's public--nevermind that I have maybe three readers) commit to sobriety once again.

Darn politics.

Pratchett amazes me (again).

I ran out of Pratchett's YA/children's fiction so I decided to try my second adult discworld novel.  I chose to read Truth, and I'm glad I did.  Took me about two chapters to get situated (his novels begin at full speed), but it's been a great read so far.  So many quotables (my word) and spots where I laugh out loud.  I am reading it on Overdrive on an iPad, which I love except that I cannot mark the parts I like.  I've been too lazy to copy and paste--but I really need to go back and do that.

Brilliant!
Satirical.
Thought-provoking.
Hilarious!

I am Grateful for:

• my wife, because she is patient and understanding with me;
• my wife, because she is fun to be with and brings me joy in our companionship;
• my wife, because she is a wonderful mother to our children;
• my child, who sets an example of faithfulness in taking the initiative to serve others;
• another child, who sets an example of faithfulness by constantly striving in righteous habits;
• another child, who is teachable and is trying hard to do and be better;
• two other children, who are kind and thoughtful of others;
• my daughter, Emily, who brings me joy whenever I think of her, and who is an example of faith, friendship, and joy amidst suffering;
• another child, who loves me and works hard to be a great sibling;
• my neighbors, who strive to live their beliefs and serve others;
• my wife's family;
• my parents;
• my siblings;
• ancient prophets who have given us the scriptures;
• modern day prophets, who give us guidance, testimony, and witness of the Savior;
• great co-workers, whose dedicated service to their jobs inspire me to give an honest, hard day's work';
• the many temporal things I have thanks to the kindness of God, family, and friends--I know I don't merit the things I have any more than the next person, and I cherish them as gifts and stewardships;
• the Earth and its many beauties;
• a great job, where I can serve others, and that helps me provide for me family while still giving me time for them;
• neighbors, teachers, and adults that serve my children at school, church, and other places;
• my health;
• and many other blessings.

I feel humble as I consider how blessed I am.  And this helps me move away from selfishness and pride.  

Sunday Thoughts

A life-sized copy of this print is currently on display on the stage at Oakcrest Girl's Camp.
It is a great visual for this year's theme: Take His Hand. 

I enjoyed the worship services at church today.  I am grateful for neighbors with whom I worship, who serve my family in many ways: teaching my children primary classes, giving of their time to teach and hang out with my teenagers, providing music on Sundays, giving talks that inspire me, and simply greeting me with a smile whenever I seen them.

I had a couple of thoughts from the talks I heard today.  One brother spoke about testimonies, and he conveyed the idea that our very lives are our testimonies.  I had heard this before, but it struck me again in a different way.  If I made a list of my daily activities, and turned those activities into belief statements (a testimony), what might my testimony look like?  Sadly, some days it might be something like this:

I know that sleeping in is true, and I testify of the power of letting your wife make you and the rest the of family breakfast.  I also know the computer is true, especially the books of KSL Classifieds, Facebook, and BigFishTackle.com.  I love the little black box in front of my bed with all my heart, and I know without a shadow of a doubt that the Food Network lives.  I am so blessed to have my fishing license so I can go fishing often. . . 

It's not that bad, really; but I can see much room for improvement in my efforts to live a consecrated life.  I can use more moderation in my pleasure-seeking activities and look for more ways to serve others, particularly those in my own home.

I had the opportunity to share some thoughts from the pulpit today; and I chose to focus on my visit to Oakcreast girls' camp this past week.  Among a number of items, I shared how much I love listening to Young Women sing camp songs (and hymns and such).  I have never listened to young women sing without feeling the spirit.  I especially love the song: "Walk Tall, You're a Daughter of God" -- it's hard to listen to this song without tears, and I always feel a great yearning for the young women of the Church--that they are protected, that they are treated well, that they make good decisions, that they can be strong in the face of temptation and evil.

I am so blessed to have a mother who "walked tall".  And I am also immeasurably blessed to have a wife who "walks tall", knowing that she is a daughter of God, that she is part of His great plan.  I could not be more blessed.